Morphine for your mind

Which Filipino Food Are You?

2005-11-12T09:55:00.000+08:00

BBQ on a Stick: Grilled marinated meat on bamboo
skewers

Which Filipino Food Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

SARAP!!! HEHEHEHE

Learning logic with Beavis & Butthead

2005-10-26T06:37:00.000+08:00

(Two friends exemplify logical fallacies, types of causation and other cool stuff. Quotations are from memory, and so may not be entirely accurate, e.g. I may have substituted "buttmunch" for "buttknocker"....)

Circular definition

This is where you include the concept you are defining in the definition of that concept.

Butthead: Shut up bunghole!
Beavis: What’s a bunghole?
Butthead: A bunghole is what you are, bunghole!

Fallacy of accident

Assuming that a generalization will hold in every case.

Butthead: They must be cool, they’re from Seattle.

Converse fallacy of accident (?)

Making an assumption based on insufficient evidence.

Storekeeper: Hello, Maximart. We’ve got a robbery in progress.
Police: Are they armed?
Storekeeper: Er…of course they’re armed. Aren’t all kids armed?

Equivocation

Equivocation means many things, but it is often taken to mean using a word in a different sense to that which was intended. In fact, the word “equivocation” is pretty equivocal.

(Beavis under the influence of a music video, is “dancing” on the sofa.)

Butthead: Get down, Beavis!
Beavis: I am getting down!

Circular causation

A chicken & egg situation. Not always the result of a faulty logic, of course-life is like that, as Butthead demonstrates here…

Beavis: How come Tom Petty’s on T.V.?
Butthead: Coz he’s famous, dumbass.
Beavis: Yeah, but how come he’s famous?
Butthead: Coz he’s on T.V. buttmunch!
Beavis: Yeah, but how come he’s on T.V.?

And so on…

Beavis on the philosophy of language

Words suck!

"Dissin" somebody's else's mama...

2005-08-30T21:44:00.000+08:00

To "dis" means to offend or "disrespect" somebody, so I got to thinking, what I could come up with if I were to "dis" somebody else's mama, now I wouldn't really be saying this to YOUR mama, but as a naturally curious guy, I just want to find out how offensive I can get when I put my mind to it. I mean I already know that at some level I can be a tad offensive (well, I don't mean to be...), but I have never really been openly offensive (& really mean it...).

So for the purposes of experimentation & for the greater good of mankind, blah,blah,blah,yada,yada,yada...here goes:

1.) Your mama is so fat she steps on a dollar bill and makes change.

2.) Your mama so fat when I tried to walk around her I got lost.

3.) Your mama's so fat , she uses Mexico as a tanning bed.

4.) Your mamma is so fat when she stepped on a scale it said "to be continued..."

5.) Your mama's so fat that when it rains she wears a yellow jacket and everyone yells "taxi!!!".

6.) Your mama is so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on her good side.

7.)Your mama is so fat when she hauls ass she has to make two trips.

8.) Your mama is so fat her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.

9.) Your mama is so fat the shadow of her ass weighs 100 pounds.

10.) Your mama's is so fat when she goes to the zoo the elephants throw HER peanuts.

Well that's about it for now...I sort of hurt my brain from exerting too much pressure on it to be so damn insulting to somebody's mama. I would like to remind my readers that this was done in the effort to try to discover how truly insulting I can be towards another person's mom. This is not really how I think about YOUR MAMA or anybody else's for that matter...trust me...

being rain man...

2005-08-28T04:56:00.000+08:00

I just realized that no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, people will never see you as somebody "competent" enough to handle a sensitive job. I mean they should have just come out & tell me that I'm a complete RETARD & that's why I'm stuck doing outbound work, because it's the sort of job that's IDIOT PROOF! I mean, what could go wrong...call up the customer, find out if the cable modem is installed. If it is, well that's the end of the call. If it's not, then just schedule an installation appointment for the customer. How hard could that be?! No wonder people think that way about me, I mean, my job is a piece of cake!!!

Then you get something totally different from what your'e doing right now, something so sensitive that failure to perform properly would mean that everybody's reputation would suffer! People support would lose "face"...sobrang mapapahiya ang companya that people from higher management would perform ritual suicide to pay for the mistake...well you get the picture. Of course since I've been doing mind numbing outbound work, which is very simple & a total "no-brainer", I don't seem to qualify for the new job.

When they told us that we were singled out to join the "pilot" team for outbound work, they told us that we were "cream of the crop", that we were chosen because we excelled when we were doing tier 1 calls. Now I realized that these people were blowing smoke up my ass & I actually believed the bullshit that I was fed then.

I guess I just realized that I'm not a total defect, that I'm no idiot as well as a retard. I'm more than willing to take on this new assignment, I'm confident in the abilities of my teamates, we're the outbound team & we don't back down from any challenge. But unfortunately, the "higher ups"do not have the TESTICULAR FORTITUDE to trust us to get the job done. I honestly feel sorry for them, they are not utilising the full potential of a talented group of men & women who will do what it takes to get the job done. I thought I was holding myself back...I was wrong...it's THEIR FEAR OF FAILURE that's holding me & the rest of my teamates back.

MABUHAY ANG OUTBOUND! YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST!!! =)

Beach bum...

2005-07-26T00:25:00.000+08:00

I had a blast with my friends when we went to coco beach in puerto galera. It was great to get out of the hustle & bustle of city life. We left via bus ride for the ferry station, that took around 3hrs, then a 1 hr boat trip to coco beach itself.

The resort it self wasn't that amazing, I have seen white sand beaches before, heck, I lived near one when I was in davao. The amazing thing about the place was the view from my cottage, the cottage was located on the side of a hill, overlooking the sea. It was the sort of dwelling I would like to live in, nights were cool, there's no need for electric fans!

Of course there was the daily happy hour, which was around 4pm to 5pm, buy 1 take 1 on all cocktails! Which means getting an extra weng-weng for the price of one (my, my, aren't we repetative today, jc...hehehe)that left me shitfaced for the rest of the day but the feeling of being drunk & not worrying about work the next day was worth the cranium busting hangover I got when I woke up! hehehe

There were a lot of activities there, I enjoyed snorkling most of all, seeing dory in person was even cooler. 'Who's dory?' you ask, well, remember the fish in finding nemo with short term memory loss...yep saw, her in person! hehehehe that was cool, of course the sealife was something else...it's hard to describe something so beautifull & profound that it literarly takes your breath away.

I guess in life we need to get away from things, take a little break so you can recharge, de-toxify, & relax then get back in the game again & start to battle your daily demons. All work & no play will make J.C. a very cranky, unreasoning, angry, frustrated, stressed...well you get the picture... =)

I can relate to this...

2005-07-23T22:54:00.000+08:00

this is a forwarded message about the issues concerning our country...
kinda harsh...
but what can i say?
only the truth can set us free.
Ewan ko kung makaka-relate kayo...

Walang kuwenta ang Pilipinas

By: jawbreaker. (isang ordinaryong office worker na ayaw na magbayad
ng tax...ever!)

Hindi ko na mapigilan ang sarili ko. Sukang-suka na ko sa mga
nangyayari sa bansang 'to!

Walang katapusang corruption, walang kamatayang pangbabatikos,
pagbabatuhan ng tae at pagpapa-taasan ng ihi ng mga pulitiko sa bawat
isa, walang tigil na imbestigasyon ng kung ano-anong isyu pero wala
namang matinong resolusyon, walang puknat na pag-aagawan ng
kapangyarihan sa pagitan ng mga partido, patuloy na pagdami ng tamad
at tangang Pilipino, patuloy na pakikipaglaban ng ideolohiyang wala
namang silbi.

Ang gobyerno ng Pilipinas, talo pa ang septic tank na hinihigop ng
Malabanan - saksakan ng dumi at napakabaho. Kaya hindi nakakapagtaka
na ang Pilipinas ang isa sa pinakamahirap at corrupt na bansa sa
mundo. Kasi lahat sila bulok, lahat sila walang kwenta. Lahat sila
sugapa sa kapangyarihan at sa pera.

ANAK NG TETENG! !$#%Q!&!* @!!!!!

KAHIT KRISTIYANO AKO, HINDI KO MAPIGILANG MAGMURA AT HILINGIN SA DIYOS
(MINSAN NGA PATI SA DEMONYO) NA MAMATAY NA SILANG LAHAT AT I-BBQ SILA
NG HABANG-BUHAY SA IMPIERNO.

SINONG "SILA"? EH DI MGA CORRUPT NA GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS AND WORKERS,
MGA TAMBAY NA PILIPINO NA ANG LALAKI NG KATAWAN PERO HINDI NAMAN
NAGTRATRABAHO AT HINDI NAGBABAYAD NG TAX, MGA MAYAYAMAN AT ARISTANG
TAX EVADERS, PATI MGA AKTIBISTA, NPA AT IBA PANG IDEOLOGICAL GROUPS NA
HINDI NAGBABAYAD NG TAX PERO PANG-GULO!!! MAMATAY NA KAYO!!!

Lagi na lang sinasabi ng mga pulitiko: Ipaglaban ang masa! Tulungan
ang masa! Mahalin ang masa!

PUNYETA! MASA LANG BA ANG TAO SA PILIPINAS?

SINO BA TALAGA ANG BUMUBUHAY SA PUNYETANG BANSANG TO?

SAAN BA GALING ANG PANGPAGAWA NG MGA TULAY AT KALYE? SAAN BA GALING
ANG PORK BARREL? SAAN BA GALING ANG PERANG KINUKURAKOT NYO?

KAMI NA MGA MANGGAGAWA AT MIDDLE CLASS NA BAGO PA MAKUHA ANG SWELDO
BAWAS NA - KAMI ANG BUMUBUHAY SA WALANG KWENTANG BANSA NA 'TO!!!!!!!!!

BAKIT YANG BANG MGA MASANG YAN NA LAGI NA LANG SENTRO NG PLATAPORMA NG
MGA PULITIKO EH NAGBABAYAD BA NG TAX???!!!!

F**K YOU! KAHIT ISA SA MGA NAG-RA-RALLYING MGA SQUATTER NA YAN, KAHIT
SINGKO HINDI NAG-RE-REMIT YAN SA BIR!

PERO PINAPAKINGGAN BA KAMI NG GOBYERNO?

LAGI NA LANG OPINYON NG MASA ANG INIINTINDI NG GOBYERNO.

KUNG SINO ANG NAG-RA-RALLY, SA EDSA, SILA ANG NASUSUNOD.

KUNG SINO ANG MAS MALAKAS SUMIGAW PERO WALA NAMANG ECONOMIC
CONTRIBUTION, SILA LAGI ANG FOCUS PAG MAY PROBLEMA.

SILA LAGI ANG BIDA.

KAMING MGA ORDINARYONG OFFICE WORKERS, OFW'S, LABORERS AT IBA PANG
NAG-TRA-TRABAHO AT NAGBABAYAD NG TAX - KAMI ANG NAGPAPAKAHIRAP PARA
BUHAYIN ANG PILIPINAS. KAMI ANG MGA TUNAY NA BAYANI NG BANSA!!!

Tuwing nakikita ko ang payslip ko, nag-iinit ang ulo ko at gusto kong
maiyak sa inis. Napakalaki ng tax na binabawas sa akin pero ginagamit
lang sa walang kwentang bagay ang perang pinaghirapan ko.

Lahat ng pagtitipid ginagawa ko para suportahan ang sarili ko, pamilya
ko at ang punyetang bansang to. Ni hindi ako makabili ng chicken and
spaghetti meal sa Jollibee kahit gutom na gutom na ko. Nag-tya-tyaga
ako sa waffle na tig-P10, o kaya pag may konting pera, junior
bola-bola siopao sa Mini-Stop sa halangang P20.

Eh kung yung pera ko na pinapangbabayad sa tax sa kin na lang napunta,
eh di sana nakakapanood pa ko ng sine at least 2 beses sa isang buwan.
Nakabili na sana ako ng bagong rubber shoes. Nakapagpagawa na sana ako
ng sarili kong bahay.

Yung tax na binabayad ko, karamihan nun derecho sa bulsa ng mga
corrupt na mga government officials at workers. Habang hirap na hirap
akong i-budget ang pera ko, sila naman nagpapakasarap sa mga mansyon.
SUV's at luxury cars pa ang dina-drive nila, samantalang ako sa
pedicab lang sumasakay!

P****** INA! PERA KO YANG PINAPAGPAPASASAAN NYO!!!!!

Yung tax na binabayad ko, pinapangsuporta sa mga mahihirap. Saan ba
galing ang pera pangpagawa ng housing at pagtulong sa mga mahihirap,
di ba sa mga manggagawa na nagbabayad ng buwis! Pero karamihan ng
mahihirap, kung umasta kala mo inaapi sila ng sobra.

SA TOTOO LANG NO, KAYA ANG MGA MAHIHIRAP LALONG NAGHIHIRAP KASI MGA TAMAD!

Ang daming mga tambay sa kalye na walang trabaho pero ang laki ng
katawan. Eh kung sila ba nagkargador sa pier eh di sana may pera sila.

TAPOS WALA NA NGANG PERA, ANAK PA NG ANAK!

PUNYETA! LALO NYO LANG PINAPADAMI ANG TAMAD AT TANGA SA MUNDO!!!!!

Naaawa ako sa mga batang pakalat-kalat sa kalye at namamalimos. Imbes
na nag-aaral, dumadagdag lang sila sa bilang ng mga future criminals
sa Pinas. Hindi ako magtataka na yung batang nakita kong namamalimos
sa Cubao, pagkatapos ng ilang taon cellphone snatcher na.

YUNG MGA MAGULANG NAMAN DYAN, COMMON SENSE LANG! HIRAP NA HIRAP NA NGA
KAYO SA BUHAY, MANGDADAMAY PA KAYO NG IBA?! PAPARAMIHAN NYO PA LAHI
NYO!

Palibhasa walang mga trabaho at walang pinagkaka-abalahan, kaya
nagkakalabitan at nagsusundutan na lang maghapon, magdamag. Sa totoo
lang, nakakabilib. Kasi kahit sa ilalim ng tulay o sa kariton lang,
nakakabuo pa rin ng bata! Ibig sabihin, maabilidad ang mga Pinoy. Kung
gugustuhin, gagawan ng paraan. Kahit sa makipot, mabaho at maduming
lugar - SOLVE!

Isa pang mga grupo ng tao na nakakainis, yung mga aktibista, NPA at
kung ano-ano pang ideological political groups. Sabi nila, mahal na
mahal nila ang Pilipinas kaya pinagpalalaban nila ang kanilang mga
adhikain.

PUNYETA! EH HINDI RIN KAYO NAGBABAYAD NG TAX! ANG KAKAPAL RIN NG MGA MUKHA NYO!

MGA IPOKRITO! MAHAL DAW ANG PILIPINAS AYAW NAMAN MAGBAYAD NG BUWIS!

BAKIT MAY BIR COLLECTOR BA SA GITNA NG MENDIOLA AT EDSA?! MAY TAX COLLECTION BA SA BUNDOK?!

WALA DIN NAMAN KAYONG MGA TRABAHO! KUNG MAY TRABAHO TALAGA KAYO, HINDI
KAYO MAG-RA-RALLY DAHIL SAYANG ANG SWELDO NYO PAG ABSENT KAYO!

PAANO NYO MAIPAPAKITA ANG PAGMAMAHAL NYO SA PILIPINAS KUNG WALA NA
KAYONG GAWANG MATINO KUNDI MAG-RALLY AT MAMUNDOK??!!!

ISA PA YANG MGA MAYAYAMAN AT MGA ARTISTA, NA NANGDADAYA AT HINDI
NAGBABAYAD NG BUWIS. ANG KAKAPAL NG MUKHA NYO! ANG DAMI NYO NA NGANG
PERA NANGDADAYA PA KAYO SA TAX!!!! HINDI NYO NAMAN MADADALA SA
IMPIERNO YANG MGA KAYAMAN NYO. MASUSUNOG LANG DUN YAN.

KAYA LALONG BUMABAGSAK ANG NEGOSYO DITO SA PILIPINAS, KASI MGA
NEGOSYANTE MANDARAYA. PATI SHOWBIZ INDUSTRY, BAGSAK NA DIN. KARMA ANG
TAWAG DYAN. MGA BALASUBAS KASI.

Sana magkaron ng POLITICAL AND NATIONAL CLEANSING.

Alisin (mas maganda kung patayin na lang) ang lahat ng pulitiko at
political families sa puwesto. Tibagin ang lahat ng mapanirang
organizations at grupo. Itapon sa malayong isla o kaya i-pwersa ng
hard labor ang mga sobrang tamad na mga Pilipino. Ihiwalay ang mga
bata sa kanilang mga tamad at tangang magulang upang makapag-aral sila
at maturuan na maging mabuting tao at mamamayan. Magkaron ng bagong
lider na walang political ties at utang na loob sa kahit sino. At
higit sa lahat, dapat tax payers lang ang pwedeng bumoto!

Kung kinakailangang magka-giyera para magtino ang mga Pilipino, ayos
lang. Masyado na kasing matigas ang ulo ng mga tao dito. Gusto ng
kalayaan, pero hindi naman handang panagutan ang responsibilidad ng
pagiging malaya. Meron daw pinaglalaban na prinsipyo at adhikain pero
takot namang mamatay para dito.

(Sa mga nakaka-alam sa anime na Gundam Wing, yan ang inspirasyon ko sa
new Pinas hehe. I love you Zechs! I love you Treize!)

Hangga't hindi nagkakaron ng radical change, patuloy na walang kwenta
ang Pilipinas at patuloy na magiging tanga ang majority ng mga
Pilipino.

Sa dami ng nag-mi-migrate na Pilipino sa ibang bansa, dadating ang
panahon na minority na lang ng population sa Pilipinas ang may utak.
Yung mga magagaling na Pilipino, malamang maubos na. Sobra na kasi
silang na-fru-frustrate at na-de-depress sa mga nakikita nila.

Ilang taon pa at aalis na rin ako sa Pilipinas. Wala kong balak na
magkaron ng pamilya sa isang bansa na hindi pinapahalagahan ang
kontribusyon ng mga taong tunay na bumubuhay dito. Kawawa naman ang
magiging anak ko kung dito sya mabubuhay.

Sa totoo lang, broken hearted ako. Minahal ko din ang bansang ito.
Pilit kong pinagtatanggol kahit bulok. Nakarating na ko ng ibang
bansa, pero pinili kong bumalik. Pero ngayon, ayoko na. Suko na ko.
Sayang lang ako sa bansang to. Simple lang naman ang hiling ko. Gusto
ko lang mabuhay ng tahimik at maayos. Gusto ko na kahit paano eh
maipagmalaki ang Pilipinas. Pero wala eh. Doomed to be jologs ang
bansang to.

Alam ko marami pa ang umaasa at naniniwala sa pagbabago. Good luck and
God bless! Sana tama kayo at mali ako.

--
è¸±æ¥äºŽ, PuliS-PanGkalaWakan

Hyper-thinking...

2005-07-05T11:29:00.000+08:00

Ok, so it's around 8:23 am & I'm in the office working my ass off...ok that's really an exaggeration since we don't really have a lot of calls,it's the 4th of July in the U.S. & it's a holiday, that's why there aren't a lot of calls coming in.

My mind sort of wanders from one thought to the next, since the average wait time is around 20 mins, I'm left to my own devices to find a way to keep myself awake w/o the use of any visual or physical stimulation, of course this is an office environment & THAT sort of thing is frowned upon. The only option that's left for me is to rant online. In the recent past that would have been near impossibe but thanks to the brave technology of proxy servers, we, lowly tier 1 technical support reps, are able to circumvent the oppressive & tyrannical restrictions place on our computers by the gods of the I.T. Department.

So I'm back, ready to expose the world to my bland & dry prose...that said, trying to be happy in a place where depression is THE norm isn't exactly a piece of cake. But everybody here tries their best to lift the spirits of his/her seatmate with a bit of levity...either that or just throw insults at each other the whole shift, which makes things interesting & lively. Times like these though are pretty rare in my line of work, right now, I'm relaxed...(no I'm not smoking weed , taking prozac or valium right now). There's no oppressive weight to address THE CUE!!! It's like hanging out and just waiting for the bus to arrive (in my case, that is some dumb, know-it-all, little F@%! who doesn't know what an e-mail address is!).

Really, what have I got write today...nothing interesting I guess, I just miss putting my thoughts on paper & seeing them posted on the internet, that means I'm beginning again, trying to find my balance upon an ever shifting landscape. Of course, ya'all forgive me now if I stumble once in a while, but then again, life wouldn't be so darn interesting if it weren't so unpredictable in the first place, that's the real reason why we stumble...to make things interesting.

My favorite poem...

2005-06-07T07:50:00.000+08:00

Tiger, Tiger Burning bright
- William Blake (1757-1827)

Tiger, Tiger, burning bright In the forest of the night,What immortal hand or eye Could frame thy fearful symmetry?

In what distant deeps or skies Burnt the fire of thine eyes?On what wings dare he aspire?What the hand dare seize the fire?

And what shoulder and what art Could twist the sinews of thy heart?And, when thy heart began to beat,What dread hand and what dread feet?

What the hammer? What the chain?In what furnace was thy brain?What the anvil? What dread grasp Dare its deadly terrors clasp?

When the stars threw down their spears,And water'd heaven with their tears,Did He smile His work to see?Did He who made the lamb make thee?

Tiger, Tiger, burning bright In the forests of the night,What immortal hand or eye Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?

Perspectives...

2005-06-07T01:08:00.000+08:00

This is how the world looks like from the perspective of a hobbit...hehehe

Learning To Be Truly Kind

2005-06-04T11:49:00.000+08:00

Aldous Huxley, in answer to a question posed to him not too long before he died, said that the one thing he wished, in looking back on his life, was that he had been more kind. Here he was,world-famous shaper of ideas, novelist, essayist, and short story writer, expressing at the end of a long and fruitful career a major regret.

Many of us, I suspect, honestly disposed at that identical, rather crucial moment of transition, might utter similar words. In a sense, they're an indirect form of advice: I've learned, accomplished so much, been honored, done all this stuff, and you know what? I'm kicking myself for not having been more kind.

Our perspectives change over time, thank God. Hopefully, they nudge us to become more generous, open-minded, tolerant, forgiving. By "kind" I'm sure Huxley meant being truly kind; not acting kind, or doing the right thing for form's sake; but being kind toward others from the heart, from a spirit of generosity (without the expectation of getting something in return); with tolerance and compassion.

True kindness would have to include all of those traits, as well as that of forgiveness. And ultimately it would have to express inclusiveness; not, that is, being kind to some, my favored loved ones, but not others, like my boss or the stranger in front of me in the grocery line or the uninvited solicitor (seemingly the same one) who telephones me (every time!) when I'm serving dinner.

I ask myself: what is it to be kind? Forgiving? I know they're closely linked. If I can't be kind to you, I'm holding onto a grudge, judging you and not forgiving you. Or I'm holding a grudge against someone else and unconsciously letting it spill onto you. Another question: why is it so hard to forgive? I can forgive George and Edith and maybe Mary, et al, for this, that and a host of other things, but I'll never forgive Tina for something she did years ago. Why am I still clinging to that grudge now, today, in this moment? It's only a memory, that's all, lodged there with a big bag of other memories. Obviously I'm getting something out of hanging onto this grievance, but what is it? We can just as easily play the same game with ourselves and refuse to forgive ourselves for something we did a long time ago. The festering wound plagues us, but we still can't let go of the harsh judgment.

It takes a great deal of energy to hate, be angry, unkind, to someone. We judge all day long, never quite acknowledging that these judgments are forms of attack. They run wildly over the map. "Why did that guy deliberately cut me off just now on the road?" ,"Why doesn't she get on with her life?" ,"Why did my mother run out on us?" ,"Why did dad whip me and not my brother? I still hate him, in spite of twenty years of psychoanalysis, and Buddhist retreats, workshops on anger, self-help books and Esalen..." And on and on.

This is all very difficult to change. The only reason I do allow change to occur is because engaging in all of the above makes me very unhappy. If I'm honest I'll see that. I have to look inside, and remove the focus , away from you and onto me. A well-known sentence in AA literature (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions) states: "It's a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, that there is something wrong with us." The point is similarly made in A Course in Miracles: "You never hate your brother for his sins, but only for your own". I project onto you what I don't like to see in myself.

So that's where I begin. Every day this is where I begin. Sometimes it's difficult to see that what I dislike in you is really what I dislike in myself. It can seem terribly far-fetched. For example, I once had a new friend I was helping to find work. She had various ailments, but principally (I thought), she was seriously anorexic. Although she was seeing a doctor for this, (I think she weighed 85 pounds), she couldn't acknowledge to me that she even had a problem. Her denial infuriated me. Moreover, it really bothered me just to look at her, let alone have a meal with her. I happened to mention my discomfort to a good friend who was a therapist. "I don't have a problem with anorexics," my therapist friend told me, "but you do". I was dumbstruck. It so happens that I'm not even remotely anorexic, but in looking and probing and asking for help, I realized that the form of the woman's self-destructiveness was all that was different from my own various forms of self-destructiveness or anybody else's for that matter. Once I was able to recognize our essential sameness I could let my judgment of my anorexic friend go, and I felt genuinely kinder toward her.

So in all of this I learned that being truly kind to those around me is a tall order. But essentially I have to agree with its underlying purpose, which is that I'll be happier if I'm kind. I'm certainly unhappy when I'm not kind. So it's surely not an accident that an entire book would be devoted to the subject in the Dalai Lama's, The Art of Happiness, a Handbook for Living, (told with Howard C. Cutler, M.D., Riverhead Books, New York, 1998).

All of my judgments are designed to make me feel better than you, smarter, superior (or even inferior), fatter, thinner, whiter, blacker, richer, more poor,but always, I'm different; above all, different. Which is to say, I'm unique. To maintain my uniqueness, I insist that we're not the same. Yet we are all the same, and on some profound unacknowledged level, we know it. So how do I learn to accept that fact in order to neutralize the obvious surface differences I so want to believe are important?

Addressing a crowd of 6,000 people at Arizona State University, the Dalai Lama said that while he was meeting most of them for the first time, he knew already that they were all, as fellow humans, the same. To me, whether it is an old friend or new friend, that's not much difference anyway, because I always believe we are the same, we are all human beings. He said that of course there were differences in culture, faith, race, but they all shared in their humanness. He told them that with each encounter, wherever he finds himself, he knows he is meeting another person "just like myself". To meet others on that level, he added, opens up communication.

And communicate is what he does,with immense compassion and tolerance extended toward everyone. Those of us who have seen him on television or in person notice, too, that each communication is continuously interspersed with a kindly mirth. His spontaneous laughter seems to be as deep as a well, reminding us, I think, to take ourselves less seriously. He says in the book that he trained for years to arrive at his level of tolerance and compassion. "If you maintain a feeling of compassion, loving kindness, then something automatically opens your inner door", he writes. Communication becomes easy and the differences we feel about each other ultimately vanish.

None, or certainly very few of us, arrives at such a compassionate state without individual struggle. In fact, the process of learning, according to the Dalai Lama, is "a constant battle within". Over time we learn to replace negative with new positive conditioning. I can't forgive or develop tolerance unless I'm willing to look within at exactly what's going on. Very often I may not even know the source of the problem. Isn't this what therapists are for? But therapists themselves aren't exempt. If they're honest, they'll struggle with the same process. Psychiatrist Irvin D. Yalom, in his best-selling book, Love's Executioner, (HarperCollins, New York, 1989), writes of how he heals himself while in the process of helping every one of his patients.

In one story, Yalom relates that he had always been revolted by the mere sight of fat women, but he had never thought to look into the origin or depth of his feelings until a vastly overweight woman waddled into his office, needing help. There was no way he could begin to help the woman."It's the relationship that heals", is his mantra, until he did some serious work on himself. He had to recognize that he, a professional healer, actually hated her; she reminded him of his own corpulent, uneducated mother back in Russia whom he had never stopped condemning. Moreover, he found his new patient boring. Could it be that his own therapist had found him boring? Each session, Yalom relates, revealed to him more about himself. It seems that in her present state the fat patient really was boring and, furthermore, she was not taking any responsibility for her having reached her present physical and emotional impasse. During the process of his working through and being released from his own negative feelings, Yalom was able to help her and, along the way, he developed a genuine liking and deep compassion for her, finally seeing her in a totally different light. As he healed, she did too.

Recognizing a brother to be a brother is not a surface recognition. When I allow my perception of him or her to be shifted from one of condemnation to forgiveness, I actually see the person differently.

A more appropriate question I might ask is what mileage I'm getting out of condemning you. Judgment is always harsh, even when I delude myself that a situation calls for it. "You may not like to hear this, but. . ." Judgment is an attack so blinding it prevents me from seeing you at all. I discover that my real investment in attacking you is to maintain and even to widen the gap that separates. I "need" the differences between us to preserve my uniqueness, my specialness, my wish to stand out.

What about those long ago events that seem to do nothing but fester? Their purpose is still the same,to help me cling to my uniqueness,but they're often fortified by society's view that I have every right to hang onto them. In the West especially our time and culture speak to us incessantly about the past, as if it were alive, parental influence, early developmental circumstances. The implication is that, because of them, we're off the hook. It's their fault. Society as a whole laps this up as largely true. "Of course you behave this way, considering that your mother. . ." Or, "No wonder you're like this, with a father who did. . ." We learn to accept this point of view as fact because we believe all of those influences define us. They don't. Am I truly still shy or impatient or nervous or a cheat today because thirty-five years ago my mother or father repeatedly sent me to bed without my supper,Or whatever they did! The truth is that I'm still engaging in the same behavior because I want to. I choose to believe the chip is too deeply imbedded in my shoulder. If I'm honest I'll recognize that I'm not helpless. I can learn to accept responsibility for my thoughts and to forgive those individuals from my past.

What about those events I find I simply can't forgive? The Dalai Lama tells a story of how he advised an older monk, well practiced in Buddhism, telling him that a certain spiritual routine was better embarked on by a younger man than he.

The older monk went out and killed himself in order to be reborn in a younger body so that he might more effectively undertake the practice. When asked how he eventually let go of his terrible sorrow after the event, the Dalai Lama replied, "I didn't. It's still there". But the regret, over time, was no longer associated with a feeling of heaviness or a quality of pulling him back, and besides, he explained, excessive sorrow would serve no purpose. "The reality is that no one is 100 percent bad", he writes, and when we judge that unforgivable moment we are seeing the person as 100 percent bad. It's helpful to break the situation down, spend some time looking at it. Was the act so malicious or do I simply see it that way? Was there fear in the person's act, covered over with cruelty? Over time I might learn to see the hostile act was an indirect call for help. There are well known cases of individuals in Nazi concentration camps who learned to look at their persecutors with enormous compassion. These are extreme cases. But for everyone sincerely trying to overcome deep-seated grievances, the Dalai Lama writes: "Someone who gains victory over hatred and anger through such an arduous process is a true hero".

A principal Buddhist premise is that the "essential nature of the mind is pure. . . (There is an) underlying basic subtle consciousness . . . untainted by the negative emotions. . .(It is) referred to as the 'mind of Clear Light'. Also called Buddha Nature". Or we might say Christ Nature, or an expression of perfect love. It is there in anyone, accessible to anyone willing to begin, take on, carry on, the arduous process of letting go of everything that stands in the way of that love. In meditation, extended over months and years, everyone learns that there is an observer that is independent of the individual who's busy doing and talking, thinking and judging. And this observer is constantly choosing,to either see things one way (selfishly) or the way of Buddha Nature, Christ Nature, or perfect love. It is from this state of "clear light", of perfect love, that forgiveness is extended. So this is why I find it difficult to be genuinely kind all the time. It's hard work! :)

Voluntary & Involuntary Action

2005-05-30T23:21:00.000+08:00

In the essay "Voluntary and Involuntary Action" Aristotle discusses moral excellence and its relation to our feelings and actions. Feelings and actions are both voluntary and involuntary. To be moral we must have an understanding of where our actions come from. According to Aristotle involuntary actions that are performed under compulsion or result from ignorance. It is not always clear from where actions come. A man wouldn't voluntarily throw his belongings off his boat but if it was meant to stop the boat from sinking he would. Some actions have qualities of involuntary actions and voluntary actions. Aristotle feels that the terms "voluntary" and "involuntary" should be used but along with an understanding of the time the acts were being performed. Man has the power to act or not act why he does one or the other is usually the result of something else.

Sometimes a persons actions are performed to achieve something greater. A person may do something to disgrace himself but knowing that it will lead to something better. Not all actions are easy to decide. Aristotle states that it is not always easy to make up our minds when choosing between two actions.

When actions are a result of something external then they are compulsory. There is always a motive in everything we do. Aristotle says it is absurd to blame external influences on bad choices, we still have the choice whether to act or not. "People acting under compulsion and against their will find it painful, and people whose actions are inspired by pleasure find that actions are accompanied by pleasure."

Aristotle says that if a man acts out of ignorance and is sorry for it, it can be said that he acted involuntarily but when a man is not sorry then he is a non-voluntary agent. When a man is drunk his actions are not blamed on ignorance but on the fact of him being impaired. Wrong actions whether or not they are done on impulse are still to be avoided.

It seems that Aristotle is trying to reason our actions as being right or wrong as compared to why we act. Do we act voluntarily or involuntarily? If we do something wrong do we justify it by saying that we acted involuntarily. I think that actions are both. We may act impulsively but we may have a reason. If I was starving and poor I would probably have to steal food voluntarily or involuntarily die. So we can't only look at our actions but the circumstances surrounding them are equally important. We have to remember, no action is simple when there are circumstances surrounding it.

The Advantages of Stupidity

2005-05-28T02:35:00.000+08:00

Most people say being stupid will lead no where. They claim that it is the worst possible condition in which to spend one's life, and if possible, it should be completely avoided. They would even suggest if the symptoms of stupidity are caught in the early stages, it could easily be treated by a surgeon. The most effective method used to do this is the chainsaw technique, later described in volume two. Yet, perhaps if people took a closer look at some of the advantages stupidity had to offer, they wouldn't have such a negative attitude toward it. After reading this paper, one will understand the advantages of stupidity.

Admittedly, stupidity has certain disadvantages. Life isn't a bowl of cherries. And being stupid doesn't make it any fruitier. Being stupid can annoy even the most sensitive people. If one acts stupid, and does it in the wrong crowd, like a group of adults, it will seem more immature than funny. If one is forced to act stupid while dealing with lower life forms, for example, high school teachers, one may encounter barriers such as cruelty and insensitivity, with the utterance of statements like, "Think with your head straight!" or, "You have a brain, use it." Yet these are all true, there are still many advantages to stupidity.

The first advantage is very easy to understand. Stupid people are never asked to do a lot. Many have noticed that people tend to steer away from someone they feel may be stupid. This is for a very good reason. The stupidity which they posses makes a name for themselves, a name which can be very difficult to shake. Possibly, it is a word which describes the working habits of the person, such as "crappy". Yet, this creates a positive situation for the stupid person. They will have a lot of free time on their hands for more of lifes truly meaningful pleasures. Some of these activities are combing facial hair, and counting the pixels on a Sony TV.

Now, there has been a rumour going around that suggests that stupid people have low expectations. This is true. They are so stupid that they don't realize great from O.K. They could have a Sanyo cordless phone, but would probably choose instead a Pierre Cardin alarm clock telephone, because it comes free with their sensamatic folding bed. And someone with the "advantage" of stupidity might have a hard time doing certain tasks, or setting things up. Yet this isn't al lbad. For example, if a stupid person leaves the chore, and comes back to it later, no one will be able to understand it. Would they get fired from their job? No. For the very simple reason that no one would understand their work except for them. The job would have to be given back to the stupid person, perhaps with a higher salary, or someone would do it for them, leaving them with even more free time! Free time is great for brainstorming (Admittedly this seems to be a bad choice of words!).

Yet the ideas stupid people create tend to be original. For example, when was the last time someone stupid said something, and made one think about it? It seems that people are always talking about someone elses dumb idea. An example of such an idea would be, "How many stories will that english teacher drop before having a stroke?" This would suggest that stupid people may have the upper hand when it comes to thinking up original ideas. In fact, the next time someone wants an original idea for something, they should try talking to their local, community stupid person. The reason for this is that while a stupid person thinks with his head, he does not do so an organized manner. This is why they have so much creativity. By thinking in this fashion, their ideas have a natural tendency to flow more easily, without the interruptions which occur from the editing of thoughts that logical people would have normally. Thus if someone else should say to one, "That was a stupid idea!" one should merely look that person straight in the eye, and say, "Thank-you!" This also means that the claim, "Stupid minds think alike." is not true. All stupid minds have different ideas, each idea being original.

One of the final advantages of stupidity is that stupid people are always remembered, even after graduation day. It has been noticed how a quiet person is always hard to detect, and often remains anonymous. There is a very good reason for this. The mind has a hard time keeping quiet people in its memory track. But it is much easier and pleasing for the mind to remember someone really stupid. Anyways, when was the last time one laughed at an idiot in ones grade 6 class? When was the last time one laughed at the little kid at the back of the room? The evidence here proves how stupid people last longer in someones thoughts. The largest advantage which arises from stupidity is that it takes up 2/3 of DNA storage space, which is excellent for keeping stupidity in the family.

Thus, stupidity clearly has many advantages, as long as someone is smart enough to use them! It is important to understand that stupid people are like all other humans physically. Yet, because of the difference between smart and stupid people, smart human beings should give them some breathing space. Teachers can learn that someone graced with stupidity, deserves more respect. After all, they are special.

Absolute Understanding

2005-05-27T20:12:00.000+08:00

An elephant was brought to a group of blind men who had never encountered such an animal before. One felt a leg and reported that an elephant is a great living pillar. Another felt the trunk and reported that an elephant is a great snake. Another felt a tusk and reported that an elephant is like a sharp ploughshare. And so on. And then they all quarreled together, each claiming that his own account was the truth and therefore all the others false.

None of the accounts that the blind men made about the nature of the elephant are absolute truths, nor are the accounts false. An absolute truth, or one that is true for all, can not be achieved because of the constant motion of circumstances of who said it, to whom, when, where, why, and how it was said. Instead of absolute truths, the concepts or beliefs that the blind men claim are viewpoints that each one clarifies the nature of the elephant. Everybody has learned to see things from his or her own sense of reason and logic. The many things that people experience throughout their lifetimes, help to determine the judgments toward the different issues and objects that they encounter. Because individuals has his or her own sense of reason and logic, the perceptions that people encounter are ultimately true, and not false. Life does not contain one truth for any idea or object, but truths can be found in one's perception. It is difficult to determine that anything is the absolute truth. One should not prove that any object contains a true meaning, but should develop conceptions surrounding the object. Attempting to prove anything then would be difficult, if not impossible. Our senses from smell to values to reality may differ from person to person.

What may be true to one person may be different for another. Because everybody has different perceptions about life, it is difficult to weigh the content of any concept. Every account, of its own, is formed to be the truth of the one individual who assumes it. The variety of concepts may have the virtue of being considered. This is how people develop a deeper sense of understanding for all objects. Truth is achieved through the concept and not the object itself. Because many individuals hold different perceptions, they have many truths to consider, or not to consider.

For example, it would be impossible to determine, whether or not, the cutting of trees is either "good" or "bad." One might have the conception that cutting trees destroys homes for birds and other animals. Another person might have the conception that cutting trees is necessary to satisfy the need to provide homes for humans. Whatever concept is understood from the object, may be the truth. Just because there may be other viewpoints to this situation, does not mean that there has to be false statements. The tree can be used for many uses from medicine to paper to boats and none of these views would be wrong. The tree remains to be a tree, but the values of the tree can differentiate, depending on who is using it.

The conception of God, or the non-conception of God, is another issue that many people make the mistake of trying to prove. A well recognized philosopher, Soren Kierkegaard states, "For if God does not exist it would of course be impossible to prove it; and if he [or she] does exist it would be folly to attempt it." Demonstrating the existence or non- existence of God only produces reasons for belief, not the actual proof that God exists. Kierkegaard also claims, "...between God and his works there exists an absolute relationship: God is not a name but a concept"( Kierkegaard 72). The relationship between man and God is a concept. A person with belief in God, cannot prove its existence through his or her own relationship with God. Kierkegaard adds again, "The works of God are such that only God can perform them" We have no basis of proving God's works, nor do we know what kind of works God uses on different individuals. Yet, some religious groups have made the mistake to try to enforce their own religion upon different individuals. Some religious groups claim that their religion is the only "true" religion, which is very untrue. This may be a reason why religion has been a major factor in previous wars and movements. The attempt to follow one truth, instead of freely allowing individuals and societies to follow their own truth, has led many people into frustration and hostility.

All concepts are so dynamic that the truth that one believes may appear to be self-ironic. A person may believe that television promotes violence in kids, exposes the use of profanity, and stupidity. Another person my believe that television may be educational because the exposure of all these problems will form into understanding. Although both may be perfectly true to each other, the two issues are found to be to be contradictory. The disagreement does not make the other statement false, but establishes another truth.

If each of the blind men spend less time on proving his own account and spend more time understanding the different truths that exist, they may discover that all perceptions of the elephant can be taken into consideration. The men may discover that the elephant is a great living pillar, a great snake, and like a sharp ploughshare at the same time, or at different times. The blind men may even come to the conclusion that the elephant may be neither of these. The opinions of the blind men may be constantly in motion because of the acceptance of the many viewpoints that currently exist and may exist in the future. Although the elephant may stay the same, opinions about it may change and adapt.

Does Grumpiness Affect the Eco-System?

2005-05-26T01:31:00.000+08:00

What is it about grumpiness that seems to be so natural, so automatic? I see a neighbor I "don't like" and immediately have grumpy feelings toward him or her. Or I walk toward the beach and become grumpy that the sun is now being covered over by a cloud mass; or grumpy that I'm out of "Half&Half" for my morning coffee. Or when I'm walking down the street and I see kids playing and laughing with each other I begin to feel grumpy that my childhood is gone and I have to work to survive.

One morning as I was going to work I saw an elderly woman, probably mid 70's, driving in her car. I passed her yet I will never forget the absolute personification of the grumpy countenance or physiognomy. When I saw that face I thought to myself why would someone go through their entire life cultivating grumpiness (assuming she wasn't really grieving over some tragedy). She had perfected it. She probably practiced it day in and day out. It had become a habit. Perhaps she never questioned it. Perhaps people, close friends, never said anything about it. And, besides, it probably worked. It somehow got her through another day (after day after day). Well, that started making me think of my own grumpiness and the underlying stuff of her and my grumpiness. What assumptions lie there lurking underneath that simple and seemingly normal act of being grumpy? What beliefs lie there unexplored? As I caught myself, or I should say, when I became aware of my grumpy state, I started to investigate it since I'm the best source for my own investigation.

First off I came up with these assertions, assumptions and beliefs:

1) I have the absolute right to be grumpy;

2) I have a right to complain, bitch and whine about the world and situations I find myself in;

3) I ought to be someplace else or be someone else or both;

4) I didn't choose to be here on this planet;

5) I have a right to dump my grumpiness on anyone I deem fit;

6) It is perfectly natural to be grumpy and people should simply get out of my way if they don't like it;

7) I have no responsibility toward curbing or harnessing my grumpiness in order to not infect others with my particular agitated state of consciousness.

I could go on but I'll stop there. You get my drift.

There's a particular belief among humans that when we are grumpy (and I'm including irascibility, complaining, whining, angry, moody, mean-spirited, ill-willed, and that 'don't look at my eyes you butt-brain attitude...') we feel like it's okay to wear it around with us like a crown of jewels. If I don't bug anybody they won't bug me and it's okay to hang onto the mood. But what we don't understand is that by hanging onto it we are actually cultivating grumpiness. The seed has hit the soil and we are busily and preciously composting and watering it so our grumpiness will grow strong and healthy.

Another facet is the assumption that our state of consciousness doesn't really affect other people (or animals, rocks, plants and vegetables...) That statement actually comes from a larger philosophical system that simply declares that we are separate independent selves and that what I do in the privacy of my own mind can't possibly affect anyone else, especially since I don't think that whatever anyone else does affects me. I'm an independent person, not influenceable and perfectly armored from the harshness of real life. Well, according to recent scientific discoveries along with ancient wisdom we are "interdependent" and what we do, how we behave and what we feel affects all of us. Equation: grumpiness affects people. The ecosystem affects us. The pesticides on the broccoli affect us. The International Monetary Fund and the World Bank affect all of us. Grumpiness affects the eco-system of communities and neighborhoods. Etc., etc...

Since I see so much of grumpiness and downright "misery" I wonder if it has always been a fad, a long-standing fad that had no beginning and has no end in sight. I mean look around and see the grumpiness or the blank stares or the "I'm too busy to look at anything except the future that I'm racing toward" type of physiognomy. Why is it that people in larger cities can actually get into brutal fights because there was eye-contact made? What is it about looking at someone intently that creates such violent reactions? I even read an argument against married couples gazing into their beloved's eyes. If you want to keep your beloved for years and years, the "experts" warned, you were advised not to do any eye-gazing since that was a sure road to divorce.

Is this madness or what?

But back to grumpiness. I get grumpy yet I don't like it especially now that I'm aware of all those assumptions that grumpiness thrives on. Not to mention the fact that grumpiness hurts my heart. So, what do we do? Start chanting positive affirmations that we are happy and put a smile on our faces? Absolutely not! A stupid grin and insincere smile affects others also. We are not idiots. We are very sensitive to subtle energies. How many have you seen of those insincere smiles? False smiles, tight mouthed mediocre smiles just waiting to get out of eye sight of any known human.

I simply suggest that we don't immediately assume we've changed and fixed it now that we have the vocabulary to describe the problem. I suggest that we witness it, observe it and say: "Wow, grumpiness has possessed me in this particular moment. It's not really me even though I'm tempted to believe that it is me -- that 'I am grumpy'. Now that would be a very big step. It may not sound like it's that important, especially when one is reading about it but just wait until you're in the grips of any negative emotion or mood and see if you can do it. It's extremely tempting to be the emotion that is happening to come through us at that specific moment, whether it's anger, grumpiness, happiness, joy, terror, insecurity... if you say "I am _____(whatever it is that you are feeling at the moment)," then identification has guaranteed its rigid attachment. "I am grumpy." It's got a ring to it. We all know now what and who you are. Security and sanity have been firmly established. But what if we were to say something quite unusual like: "I have temporarily allowed grumpiness to take control of my identity" or "Being a foul, mean-spirited mood is now passing through me. I think I will investigate this particular phenomenon and its wild sensations and check out what's going on."

To me, this particular take on the subject is much more responsible. That's the key! Taking responsibility for moods and feelings is a whopping quantum leap and paradigm shift away from the victim mode to an active role of investigator. Do we really want to be slaves to moods that come our way, being triggered by that sensation, fantasy, feeling, drama, person or activity? Or am I going to learn to choose what state I'm in and cultivate the ones that bring nourishment to me and others so that when I'm old I will be a happy vital contributing member of my family, tribe, or community. Or do I want to be a total drag, grumpy and be selfish with my gifts, talents and joys? Am I going to cultivate happiness or grumpiness? Do I wish to die happy or full of resentment and regrets? [ A friend's father, on his deathbed, would waver between consciousness and unconsciousness, between lucidity and confusion. One time he sat up abruptly and exclaimed to no one in particular, "What have I done?"]

It's not easy being genuinely happy. It's very easy being cranky, irascible, addictive, grumpy and an overall pain in the butt. It's very difficult being happy because happiness assumes:

1) we have aligned ourselves to a career or livelihood that compliments our inner talents and abilities;

2) we are in relationships out of choice, not from duty or blind obligation;

3) we are giving of our talents to the community at large;

4) we are no longer in denial about our feelings;

5) we are no longer superficially satisfied by the numerous distractions out there numbing us to our real needs;

6) we are connected with our Source (whatever religion or tradition one adheres to).

To cultivate happiness is not to simply put on a false smile and still walk around in pain and misery. Cultivating happiness is very hard work. It takes a lot of weeding. But the pay off is the ease of unnecessary suffering, a joyfulness that spreads beyond our tiny individual happiness and creates a presence and beingness that is both visceral, accessible and infectious. Have you ever noticed when someone genuinely smiles at you? It sort of triggers that genuine smile within you.

But the question remains: Do we want to be happy or grumpy; do we wish to be mere victims or become responsible for our emotional states?

The task is upon us every moment since every moment we are deciding. If we want the world, or our neighborhoods, to be a safer place, a more loving environment, where better to start than with ourselves.

Reflections...

2005-05-26T00:12:00.000+08:00

The earliest hammering time we know is the sound of our mother's heartbeat coming to us through the waters of her womb. It is our first measuring of anything. It is the first beat establishing a rhythm to life, the ground of music, and the steady sound we seek the rest of our lives among the signs of health.

Time is our most common and universal measure. Its throb is persistent, pervasive, relentless and unstoppable. lf the heartbeat is the first hammering we know, how good to return again and again to its most loving chamber, the arms of love, where we listen for that primal drumbeat signaling deep union with our deepest loves. These are the bonding beats of lovers. Remember them. Seek them. Cherish them. Across time. In the echo-chamber of the heart.

I hate this job...

2005-04-23T19:58:00.000+08:00

I was just informed (as of yesterday) that we were not only going to do outbound calls but we are also required to take inbound calls, regardless if we have a database to work with or not. That really pissed off a lot of us, typical of management to tell you one thing then when your back is turned they tell you do to something else...I 'd really like to believe that eventually outbound agents will remain OUTBOUND agents...but forgive me if I do not hold my breath. I mean, for christsakes, this is management we are talking about...bottomline menatality is the ruling factor here, & bottomline is to do the job regardless of the well being of the employee...your'e tired, confused & frustrated but then again, do they care??? I don't think so...as long as they get the money rolling in, they wouldn't care if the agents working for them would be driven crazy!

These people make Hitler look like a nun...

Trying to sleep...

2005-04-10T02:28:00.000+08:00

I haven't slept properly in the last 2 days...my eyes are heavy, drooping shut whenever the opportunity presents itself. Sweet oblivion beckons my consiousness to gently slip into a dark, comfortable place to rest...mental agility has long since gone the way of the dinosaurs. I can't even think straight, reality is distorted...it's like day dreaming, only in my case my dreams are my reality...I don't even make sense anymore...I'm like a zombie...I need to sleep...

Wierd Day...

2005-04-09T03:05:00.000+08:00

I can't really think of anything to write about today. It seems that I can't even remember the things that are happening around me...like everything is in a haze. You watch everything moving in slow motion & your brain is being short ciruited not because of tremendous amout of information but, rather, for the lack of it. I can actually smell the neurons in my brain burning...whatever intelligence that I possesed when I left home earlier has detiriorated, right now I have as much intelligence as an amoeba...wierd day huh?

Don't you hate surprises...

2005-04-06T21:24:00.000+08:00

I wasn't really expecting anything out of the ordinary to happen today. I did my usual thing before going to work, true I was feeling a little bit "under the weather" today, moody even. So I wasn't really looking forward to coming in to work. But being a "professional" & all that , I had to force myself to get up from my comfy bed and get ready for a gruelling day on the phone.

So fast forward 45 minutes later, I just got to the office & I'm checking my email, lo & behold, I got an email from our operations manager informing me that I have been chosen to be a part of the pioneering team to handle outbound calls for our client...now in some circles this would be considered as good news, in fact I can say that this could be characterized as "GREAT" news. Well...NOT for me, "why?", do you ask, well for the simple reason that I like where I am right now. I'm what you call an underachiever. I am perfectly content to just bum around as a tier 1 representative with minimal responsibilities, minimal amount of pressure, etc, etc...key word here people...MINIMAL! Less exertion to achieve goals, less dissapointments, less headaches...MINIMAL=LESS, less is good!!!

This development is a complication, a complication that is not really welcome right now, it's more like getting a shock instead of a surprise, I absolutely hate this sort of thing. Do I have a choice in this matter...no of course not, so I have to resolutely take this in stride & just do my best not to piss too many people off, I'll most likely screw this up, but for the sake of professionalism, I will reluctantly go into this with a heavy heart & a pissed off attitude. I really hate surprises...

AHHHH...I"M LATE!!!

2005-04-04T02:37:00.000+08:00

I got to the office 30 minutes late today, I even left the house early with sublime confidence that I would get to the office early. Well that's not the case because D.S.T. (Daylight Savings Time) just got implemented...TODAY! It slipped off my mind, now when my supervisor finds out about this I'll probably get cremated...ALIVE!!!

Ahhhhhh, what a way to start my work day, good thing it'll be my rest day tommorow, that means...NO CALLS!!! Which is a very good thing indeed because I won't have to deal with dim witted customers who don't know where their start button is located on their computers (you think it's easy to give instructions to somebody whose a thousand miles away, who is a thousand years old, with bad hearing & just got a computer this christmas from his/her daughter, & would like to use it?! THINK AGAIN!!!).

Anyway I'll see ya all on wednesday night, where in I'll regale you with tales of how I got drunk & eventually got laid onmy rest day...hehehe...one can always hope for the best right?... : )

Cheerfull thoughts

2005-04-02T23:05:00.000+08:00

Work,work,work...a pretty empty existence filled with often mundane & meaningless tasks. One would like to think that it would be better to be a doer of deeds, once a deed is done, it is done forever but a task comes back to haunt you day after day, much like a recurring nightmare. But once you get into a certain "flow" in your daily, meaningless, robotic life, you realize that the tasks have become a part of who you are. Your identity revolves around it, individualism is sacrificed. There is no "you"...there is only "we". You become just another faceless worker ant in the corporate anthill.

What's tragic is that the task you perform day in & day out is simply just that, a task, there is no passion in it, no dedication, nothing that stirs the fire of creativity & joy in you, & once we learn how empty our lives are, & the only re-course is to leave this sort of life, we end up asking, "what do we do next?", no direction, no path to follow...like mice in a sadistic maze. hehehe Cheerfull thoughts today...

Hangover blues...

2005-04-02T01:52:00.000+08:00

I woke up today thinking that I couldn't go to work because I have the nastiest hangover this side of the continent. Well surprise, surprise, here I am taking calls while my head feels like it's filled with a thousand banshees screaming some unholy symphony. Of course If I called in absent again tonight my supervisor would probably take me aside & slowly cut my head off with a bamboo saw (ouch!).

So did I make the right decision...I'm not really sure but my instinct to save myself from being summarily decapitated might be viewed in some quarters as the prudent choice, of course it might also be hard to take calls when you dont have a head. It might even prove challenging. I think I'll try that one of these days.